Well, here's a thing. ALL of my friends, whatever their nationality, race, profession, persuasion or creed wanted Obama to win - so I know a lot of people who are chuffed - me included.
Here's another thing - most of the blogs I follow are written by people who are currently weeping into their Cheerios. Obviously with my weird interest in the Bloggernacle one could expect that those would be populated by those who voted in their own interests - but even those (with exceptions - you know who you are ;) ) whose lives extend beyond the borders of their kitchen in Utah, supported Romney. Extraordinary!
Grumpy
I am cross with myself and I am grumpy because I'm cross. I wouldn't bother with this one if I were you - I'm just venting.
Here are my excuses for grumpiness:
and here's the thing
A member of the Bloggernacle, who is quite possibly the most decent person on the planet and who has handled her own terrible tragedy with dignity, sweetness and grace, was kind to me, very kind to me when she would have been entitled to tell me to wind my neck in, and there's nothing like feeling ashamed of yourself to make you feel grumpy. You'll be pleased to hear that I am at least hanging my sorry, grumpy head, in shame.
Hebe checking for fireworks. She's yet to figure out that the drama doesn't start until after dark!
Here are my excuses for grumpiness:
- We have been surrounded by the cracks, bangs and booms for two weeks now. Guy Fawkes night is tonight. I absolutely get that tonight, the letting off of fireworks that terrorise pets and small children is par for the course - but having held a shaking and terrified Hebe (Ridgeback X) every night for a fortnight - I'd like to drag the inconsiderate twits who think any and every night is Guy Fawkes night, into my house and make them watch her suffering.
- Someone in another department at work who is vastly senior to me thought it was clever to patronise and bully one of MY Editors and then having chucked a hand-grenade into the arena, ran away leaving me to clean up the fall-out. I have had very dark thoughts about what I'd like to do to him.
- I offered to go and watch someone to whom I have been very devoted doing something dangerous for charity. I was assured that as all of her family would be there it wasn't necessary. Today she showed me the photgraphs and there were FRIENDS there. What am I? chopped liver?!
- Now the NY server is functioning again - we're swamped. There aren't enough hours in the day to publish the back-log. How come an international company of our size and standing falls over because a server on another continent goes nap?
- I miss Gailey
and here's the thing
A member of the Bloggernacle, who is quite possibly the most decent person on the planet and who has handled her own terrible tragedy with dignity, sweetness and grace, was kind to me, very kind to me when she would have been entitled to tell me to wind my neck in, and there's nothing like feeling ashamed of yourself to make you feel grumpy. You'll be pleased to hear that I am at least hanging my sorry, grumpy head, in shame.
Hebe checking for fireworks. She's yet to figure out that the drama doesn't start until after dark!
Bloggernacle Barmy
Have you discovered the 'Bloggernacle?'
I have just discovered that my fascination with it is shared: http://www.salon.com/2011/01/15/feminist_obsessed_with_mormon_blogs/
Who'd have thunk it?!
It started inncoently enough with a link to the blog of the subject of an article in one of the Sunday supplements.
Once I had worked my way through that particular blog, in which the writer drooled over her 'cute' husband and posted daily pictures of her many shiny children and I had been instructed how to knit my own car, admired the daily posted pics of 'yummy' home made soup/cake/zucchini with saffron infused home made cheese pie, and effectively managed to dodge the adoring references to the (mostly, I am sorry to report, terrifyingly trite), 'lessons' taught by legions of white middle-aged men who seem to rule the roost in Mormon-Land, I wondered how those who don't 'fit' fitted into this picture.
Amongst the literally thousands of pictures (honestly, I couldn't figure out how she found so much time to bake and breed, when she was at all times weilding a rose tinted camera), there were no scruffy uncles, no single elderly cousins with frizzy hair, no childless friends, disabled seniors, bored looking teenagers and absolutely NO ONE who was anything other than shiny white, so I went searching, and what I found amonst the dozens of other shiny blogs were a few where the writer was trying so hard to 'fit' that it was heart-breaking. Please believe me here when I say with all sincerity that I am not knocking the LDS beliefs and I bow my knee to any society in which kindness, goodness and decency is the expected norm - but why encourage blogging as a method of prothleytising (sp?!) when the vast, vast majority of the readers could only be further alienated by their own obvious lack of 'fit?'
So.... why do I continue to be fascinated by the Bloggernacle? (you may well ask if you've followed me this far!) because - it reminds me every day to be grateful to live in a liberal country, amongst liberal people, where diversity and difference is the norm - and because I really ought to learn to knit my own car and where better to find out?
Happy birthday Angel!
Beautiful wasn't she? It's her birthday on Saturday, she would have been 49, although she'd have still looked 35 and her joyful spirit never did get much further than 17, even though her body made it to 47. We should be sitting on bar stools laughing our heads off whilst drinking Bloody Marys after stuffing ourselves with Calamari - but this year, she'll be hangin' out with Ali and John, Pete, Margaret, Richard and the rest of our mates in Heaven. If there's any justice, St. Peter will be mixing cocktails and they will be smiling down on the tear stained faces of those of us who mourn them.
Grief's a bugger. It's been 18 months since we lost her and 15 months since our dear friend Ali went (at 44 for crying out loud!) to join her. We're making a fist of re-grouping, of making new memories, of moving forward. There have been new babies & grand-babies, new jobs, travels, parties (a couple of truly memorable ones that she would have LOVED) but still, on my birthday a couple of months ago, the special poignancy which comes from us all being together and having a great time, serves to magnify the enormous losses and those of us closest to them both were overwhelmed by the memories and sobbed - not pretty sobbing either - snot ridden red eyed sobbing - and in public!
As the memories of those last terrible months as her body disintegrated and the dreadful pain made her withdraw from us all, are replaced by the myriad of happy memories, there are days, weeks sometimes, when I smile when I think about her. When I can see a red car without looking to see if she's driving it, or hear certain songs without breaking, when I see a pigeon and can hear her saying 'flying rats Hel!' but I am never, ever, going to stop missing her. In a way I embrace that as testament to the fact that I truly loved her. What I wouldn't give to be re-creating the picture above. I'm hugging her so hard I look like I'm strangling her! - but as it is, all I can do is this - and wish her as happy a birthday wherever she is, as those we shared when she was still here on Earth.
Thanks for listening. x
Want to know why I haven't posted in so long? because I am SO technologically disabled that I couldn't find my blog. DOH!
Anyway...how ARE you?
Life has changed beyond recognition for me. Steve stepped out of the Army after 33 years and is now extraordinarily happy as the CEO of a charity which lifts landmines and campaigns for the rights of those affected by armed violence. Proud of him? Oh yeah!
And... we FINALLY own our own house. Palatial it aint - but it's comfortable, modern, it over-looks woodland (you know me by now, trees are necessary to my happiness!) - and it has the wonderful advantage of being in civilian territory which brings with it the anonimity I so craved when living on Army patches.
Now I've found you again I'll be back to post some more!
Anyway...how ARE you?
Life has changed beyond recognition for me. Steve stepped out of the Army after 33 years and is now extraordinarily happy as the CEO of a charity which lifts landmines and campaigns for the rights of those affected by armed violence. Proud of him? Oh yeah!
And... we FINALLY own our own house. Palatial it aint - but it's comfortable, modern, it over-looks woodland (you know me by now, trees are necessary to my happiness!) - and it has the wonderful advantage of being in civilian territory which brings with it the anonimity I so craved when living on Army patches.
Now I've found you again I'll be back to post some more!
Sorry!
It has been an age since I wandered in here. There has been a lot to occupy me. My best friend died. I thought I was ready and it transpired that I wasn't. I miss her like I'd miss my right arm. I went through a period of feeling completely alone in the World which upset my darling boy. He loved her too but he never really got how profoundly and deeply I needed her. Life marches relentlessly on for those left reeling behind. Wills and Kate got married. We celebrated with a street party which was utterly fab. I have my head around my job and am growing to really like it. Steve is contemplating what he is going to do in 14 months when he waves goodbye to the Army after 34 years - I never consider much beyond tomorrow.
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