Nobody wants to read the ins and outs of someone elses medical dramas, so, I'll keep this really short. I'm okay - thank you for caring. The Glaucoma was caused by the previous radiotherapy. The pressure can (and is being) reduced by drugs, but the sight is gone forever and it's a chronic condition which will require management for ever. It's a pain but I thnk my lucky stars that I live in the first World and have access to the best Doctors and all the drugs & treatment I need is free (God bless the NHS), so... chin up, stiff upper lip in place..... and on we go!
Just be aware( those with CM and or TED) that closed angle Glaucoma is a possibility and if you have a bad headache, nausea, see haloes around lights, your eye is red and irritated, or any combination of those symptoms, do NOT do as I did and consult junior Doctors & GP's - it's rare and they don't know what they are looking at - head STRAIGHT for an eye consultant without passing 'Go!'
Trouble...
Well, there's been trouble....
No sooner had my Darling recovered from his illness than I was struck with dreadful headaches. I'm not the kind of woman who gets headaches and as they intensified we became anxious and went to the local hospital. The young Doctor there was pretty convinced that I had developed something called 'cluster headaches' but during testing threw a load of drugs in my (red and swollen and previously (as in 15 years ago) irradiated and therefore blind)) eye. We retreated home laden with half a dozen drugs, including antibiotics for my eye. The situation worsened and we went back to the hospital a few days later where a second Doctor agreed with the original diagnosis and prescribed more of the same drugs.
That weekend we were due to leave for a long planned family holiday in the West country. When I say 'family' I mean my entire family - parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, kids and dogs. By this time I looked terrible as well as feeling it. Facing the dilemma of whether not to go - thereby alarming everyone and meaning that my beloved girls would feel that they shouldn't go, we loaded the car and headed down. I patched my 'bad' eye and made a fist of it but had to spend much of the time in that beautiful place lying down in the dark. There was deep concern amongst my family. We cut our holiday short and headed back. The following morning I walked into my GP's office. Within moments he had arranged for me to see a Consultant at the eye hospital. I'm not a fan of eye hospitals. Fifteen years ago I was treated for eye cancer. It's rare and the kind of treatment I had for it is even rarer. Most physicians - including the vast majority of very senior eye Doctors have never seen an eye like mine and this results in some barely concealed excitement when they get me in front of them, followed by extensive tests and a queue of students 'having a look'. I don't mean to sound churlish and I absolutely know that intensely studying me could only have benefits for any future case they may come across, but hours of feeling like a Lab rat and anxiety about what they may discover, always leaves my spirit low, so I am ashamed to say that I argued with my lovely GP; 'Look Dr. C, I've seen two Doctors at the hospital, it's my head affecting my eye, not the other way around!'.
Wrong!
My beloved dragged his grumpy, muttering wife to the eye hospital and within half an hour the Consultant explained that I have something called 'closed angle Glaucoma'. It had been missed because most of the indicators required for diagnosis, require the patient to report blurred vision and seeing haloes around lights - my eye, is blind. That I had been instructed to shovel antibiotic drops into my eye and had had my pupil dilated by Dr. no.1 had exacerbated the situation. Had I been sighted, heroic measures would have been taken immediately in order to save my sight, as it was, there being no sight to save, reducing the pressure and therefore the pain was started immediately and I am so grateful to say, that after two weeks of intense pain, within hours I felt MUCH better.
Back home, this time with the right drugs and with instructions to return this week, my relief has turned to worry. The Consultant had explained that the cause of the raised pressure in my eye would need to be investigated and that growth of the tumour was a possibility. I am trying not to panic. My eye was closely inspected by an Occular Oncologist a year ago and was pronounced 'fine'. Did I have cluster headaches and that early treatment sparked the pressure to rise in my eye? Had something else raised the pressure? or is the tumour on the march? I'll find out on Wednesday.
I'm sorry to post this. Hardly cheerful reading is it? but writing it down serves to clarify to myself what has been a very weird situation. I wish you good health!
No sooner had my Darling recovered from his illness than I was struck with dreadful headaches. I'm not the kind of woman who gets headaches and as they intensified we became anxious and went to the local hospital. The young Doctor there was pretty convinced that I had developed something called 'cluster headaches' but during testing threw a load of drugs in my (red and swollen and previously (as in 15 years ago) irradiated and therefore blind)) eye. We retreated home laden with half a dozen drugs, including antibiotics for my eye. The situation worsened and we went back to the hospital a few days later where a second Doctor agreed with the original diagnosis and prescribed more of the same drugs.
That weekend we were due to leave for a long planned family holiday in the West country. When I say 'family' I mean my entire family - parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, kids and dogs. By this time I looked terrible as well as feeling it. Facing the dilemma of whether not to go - thereby alarming everyone and meaning that my beloved girls would feel that they shouldn't go, we loaded the car and headed down. I patched my 'bad' eye and made a fist of it but had to spend much of the time in that beautiful place lying down in the dark. There was deep concern amongst my family. We cut our holiday short and headed back. The following morning I walked into my GP's office. Within moments he had arranged for me to see a Consultant at the eye hospital. I'm not a fan of eye hospitals. Fifteen years ago I was treated for eye cancer. It's rare and the kind of treatment I had for it is even rarer. Most physicians - including the vast majority of very senior eye Doctors have never seen an eye like mine and this results in some barely concealed excitement when they get me in front of them, followed by extensive tests and a queue of students 'having a look'. I don't mean to sound churlish and I absolutely know that intensely studying me could only have benefits for any future case they may come across, but hours of feeling like a Lab rat and anxiety about what they may discover, always leaves my spirit low, so I am ashamed to say that I argued with my lovely GP; 'Look Dr. C, I've seen two Doctors at the hospital, it's my head affecting my eye, not the other way around!'.
Wrong!
My beloved dragged his grumpy, muttering wife to the eye hospital and within half an hour the Consultant explained that I have something called 'closed angle Glaucoma'. It had been missed because most of the indicators required for diagnosis, require the patient to report blurred vision and seeing haloes around lights - my eye, is blind. That I had been instructed to shovel antibiotic drops into my eye and had had my pupil dilated by Dr. no.1 had exacerbated the situation. Had I been sighted, heroic measures would have been taken immediately in order to save my sight, as it was, there being no sight to save, reducing the pressure and therefore the pain was started immediately and I am so grateful to say, that after two weeks of intense pain, within hours I felt MUCH better.
Back home, this time with the right drugs and with instructions to return this week, my relief has turned to worry. The Consultant had explained that the cause of the raised pressure in my eye would need to be investigated and that growth of the tumour was a possibility. I am trying not to panic. My eye was closely inspected by an Occular Oncologist a year ago and was pronounced 'fine'. Did I have cluster headaches and that early treatment sparked the pressure to rise in my eye? Had something else raised the pressure? or is the tumour on the march? I'll find out on Wednesday.
I'm sorry to post this. Hardly cheerful reading is it? but writing it down serves to clarify to myself what has been a very weird situation. I wish you good health!
Worried
My beloved arrived back from a conference at The African Union in Ethiopia in a pretty bad way. Utterly exhausted, with a serious fever and a badly upset stomach. I'm starting to think I ought to be more assertive about insisting he reduce his workload. He's an incredibly dynamic man and I am examining my right to have an opinion about this - actually no - of course I have a right to HAVE an opinion, I mean express it to him - but I feel strongly that he needs to learn to delegate.
Frankly it has always been a problem. He would beast himself for fitness tests when he was in the Army. Passing wasn't good enough, he had to meet the standard expected of a much younger man. His view was alwys 'I can't ask my Soldiers to do anything I can't do myself'. I would argue: 'but you're the brains of the operation - and you are much older, you are not an Infantryman who is expected to be able to run and march miles over rough terrain'. He always smiled and ignored me.
I honestly thought when he took his current job that he would make full use of the bright young things in his organisation, when it came to these arduous trips. Of course I recognise the need for him, as the CEO to visit the mine-fields to meet and support the teams and that events such as addressing Parliaments, or UN conferences regarding treaties, require his seniority - but he accompanies his staff on virtually every trip and it's taking a huge toll. He has three incredibly competent, highly qualified and experienced Directors working under him, with motivated teams of their own. I can't believe that they aren't capable of taking on more of these trips alone - especially the conferences. He sees it as leadership, I'm afraid I think there may be a touch of arrogance in it, and maybe an inability to accept his own physical limitations. I also think that if I was one of his ambitious Directors I might see the fact that the Boss thinks that he's always the best man for the job as somewhat patronising they have after all studied for years and have greater experience in the third sector than he has!
Perhaps I sound patronising about an incredibly fine and dedicated man - perhaps I am very worried. He's lying upstairs in bed looking like something that the cat threw up but still insisting that he's off to Norway and then NY before the end of the month. Yup - I'm worried.
Frankly it has always been a problem. He would beast himself for fitness tests when he was in the Army. Passing wasn't good enough, he had to meet the standard expected of a much younger man. His view was alwys 'I can't ask my Soldiers to do anything I can't do myself'. I would argue: 'but you're the brains of the operation - and you are much older, you are not an Infantryman who is expected to be able to run and march miles over rough terrain'. He always smiled and ignored me.
I honestly thought when he took his current job that he would make full use of the bright young things in his organisation, when it came to these arduous trips. Of course I recognise the need for him, as the CEO to visit the mine-fields to meet and support the teams and that events such as addressing Parliaments, or UN conferences regarding treaties, require his seniority - but he accompanies his staff on virtually every trip and it's taking a huge toll. He has three incredibly competent, highly qualified and experienced Directors working under him, with motivated teams of their own. I can't believe that they aren't capable of taking on more of these trips alone - especially the conferences. He sees it as leadership, I'm afraid I think there may be a touch of arrogance in it, and maybe an inability to accept his own physical limitations. I also think that if I was one of his ambitious Directors I might see the fact that the Boss thinks that he's always the best man for the job as somewhat patronising they have after all studied for years and have greater experience in the third sector than he has!
Perhaps I sound patronising about an incredibly fine and dedicated man - perhaps I am very worried. He's lying upstairs in bed looking like something that the cat threw up but still insisting that he's off to Norway and then NY before the end of the month. Yup - I'm worried.
Truly good
I was going to post about how fed up I am, with work politics and my beloved pushing off to Ethiopia and Norway, thus abandoing us again, and how barking my Mother-In-Law is....but I got side-tracked.
If you haven't come across this blog: http://ourpursuits.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/hows-it-goin-in-there.html and you could use an example of real courage and kindness and faith in the face of enormous loss - and like me, a kick up the backside in reminder of what REALLY matters, do take a look.
If you haven't come across this blog: http://ourpursuits.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/hows-it-goin-in-there.html and you could use an example of real courage and kindness and faith in the face of enormous loss - and like me, a kick up the backside in reminder of what REALLY matters, do take a look.
Mother-In-Law troubles....
I've always been very fond of my Mother-In-Law. She has always been a simple person in the nicest sense of the word - but what do you do when the ageing process turns someone from a thoughtful, kind soul into someone whose life has become so small that they can't see the wood for the trees?
It seems quite a common scenario to me. Those who don't maintain passions and interests into old age, atrophy. In my M-I-L this has presented itself as having a seriously unhealthy interest in the lives of others and making big pronouncements about them when not in full possession of the facts. The latest manifestation of this is causing a lot of distress.
Long story v.v short.... she was as close as close to her only sister. Her sister has just died. Her sister has two 'children' (a man and a woman in their late 50's), the children fell out and my M-I-L has taken sides to the extent that she is refusing to go to her sister's funeral (some 250 miles away) because she doesn't want to 'see that awful man'. She has seen neither of these 'children' for some years but speaks weekly on the telephone to the daughter who it seems spends most of the calls rubbishing her brother. The daughter is a nice, intelligent, woman, the son is a nice, intelligent, man. That they are having some extended scrap is none of our business and Steve & I have stayed out of it.
I don't know where the truth lies, but equally, neither does my M-I-L and no amount of reasoning with her will lead her to even consider going to her sister's funeral. She's engaging in monumentally passive/aggressive stuff with us, as in ' you don't love me if you think I could see that awful man.....' 'but Mum, you only have one side of the story, and you don't even have to acknowledge him, just come with us to pay your last respects to your sister'... ' yes, but I know it's true!....' 'how do you know?'..... 'you don't love me!' followed by extensive sobbing, slamming down of phone and repeat....
So it seems, my husband's only maternal aunt is to be laid to rest without the presence of any of us (she insists that we spend the day in prayer with her and eschews my offer to go to 'represent' us all). What to do when an adult behaves like an unreasonable toddler but as they are an adult and your mother, and as you feel you must respect their wishes, you allow yourself to be manipulated and collude with her in doing (or rather not doing) something which she will undoubtedly regret. Tricky, really tricky.
It seems quite a common scenario to me. Those who don't maintain passions and interests into old age, atrophy. In my M-I-L this has presented itself as having a seriously unhealthy interest in the lives of others and making big pronouncements about them when not in full possession of the facts. The latest manifestation of this is causing a lot of distress.
Long story v.v short.... she was as close as close to her only sister. Her sister has just died. Her sister has two 'children' (a man and a woman in their late 50's), the children fell out and my M-I-L has taken sides to the extent that she is refusing to go to her sister's funeral (some 250 miles away) because she doesn't want to 'see that awful man'. She has seen neither of these 'children' for some years but speaks weekly on the telephone to the daughter who it seems spends most of the calls rubbishing her brother. The daughter is a nice, intelligent, woman, the son is a nice, intelligent, man. That they are having some extended scrap is none of our business and Steve & I have stayed out of it.
I don't know where the truth lies, but equally, neither does my M-I-L and no amount of reasoning with her will lead her to even consider going to her sister's funeral. She's engaging in monumentally passive/aggressive stuff with us, as in ' you don't love me if you think I could see that awful man.....' 'but Mum, you only have one side of the story, and you don't even have to acknowledge him, just come with us to pay your last respects to your sister'... ' yes, but I know it's true!....' 'how do you know?'..... 'you don't love me!' followed by extensive sobbing, slamming down of phone and repeat....
So it seems, my husband's only maternal aunt is to be laid to rest without the presence of any of us (she insists that we spend the day in prayer with her and eschews my offer to go to 'represent' us all). What to do when an adult behaves like an unreasonable toddler but as they are an adult and your mother, and as you feel you must respect their wishes, you allow yourself to be manipulated and collude with her in doing (or rather not doing) something which she will undoubtedly regret. Tricky, really tricky.
Well, that was a blast!
Christmas and New Year were both great.
We hosted Christmas at home and both girls spent it with us, which in a 'blended' family, and as they are adults with partners of their own, is a rare occurence, so it was always going to be extra special, and it was. Even my Mother-In-Law has grasped the concept that as someone who has never cooked, her running commentary on my skills (or more probably lack of them!) from; 'are you really going to use that knife to peel the potatoes' to: 'He won't eat that you know' (about Melon, which as it happens my beloved loves) probably isn't all that helpful and kept a lid on it! Our great friends S&D spent Christmas day with us and then hosted an absolute hum-dinger of a New Year party which set 2013 off with a bang - literally, the fireworks were amazing. So, here we go, into a new year.... May 2013 bring you love and peace and happiness.
We hosted Christmas at home and both girls spent it with us, which in a 'blended' family, and as they are adults with partners of their own, is a rare occurence, so it was always going to be extra special, and it was. Even my Mother-In-Law has grasped the concept that as someone who has never cooked, her running commentary on my skills (or more probably lack of them!) from; 'are you really going to use that knife to peel the potatoes' to: 'He won't eat that you know' (about Melon, which as it happens my beloved loves) probably isn't all that helpful and kept a lid on it! Our great friends S&D spent Christmas day with us and then hosted an absolute hum-dinger of a New Year party which set 2013 off with a bang - literally, the fireworks were amazing. So, here we go, into a new year.... May 2013 bring you love and peace and happiness.
Thanks 2012
There was so much uncertainty and loss in my life in 2011. Life changed irrevocably and only promised more change. I'd like to say that I learned to be more flexible in my thinking, to choose joy, to embrace more closely those and that which I love - but I would be lying. What actually happened was that I became fearful and wary. When life could change so utterly and so suddenly for the worse, how dangerous is it to take risks? to be happy? to enjoy and embrace? I haven't yet shaken that off those dark thoughts entirely, but I have just been looking back at photographs of 2012 and overall it has been a much better year than I expected and a much happier year than I would have believed possible (as well as being punctuated by such delicious events as the Jubilee and The Olympics) so I am laying down my fretful, narrow mind, and tipping my hat, with gratitude, to 2012. Thanks to all of you who stood shoulder to shoulder with me through it. I owe you.
To a home of our own.
A VERY happy birthday.....
and friends to share happy times with.
Darling Dogs.....
Sunny afternoons..
and best, best, best of all......
family.
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